walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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