I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
