I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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