I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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