He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
