It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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