there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize