Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize