Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize