i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
