so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
