True but thats because hes a fetus.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
