Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
