I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
