I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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