i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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