Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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