I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
