Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
