At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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