im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
