His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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