I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
