there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize