I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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