His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
