did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
