My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
