He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
