soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
organizing the empties. That sober.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
