Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think people are normalizing furries
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
