thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
