She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
