So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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