So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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