the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
