Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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