Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I want her autograph on my taint
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
