my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
