either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
