I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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