The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
