Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
