You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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