I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
