Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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