In the future we'll all be gay
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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