The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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