As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
