So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
