Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
