2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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