I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
