You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
