I puked a lego.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
