Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize