I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
