how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
