I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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