Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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