oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
