Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
