he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
