anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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