lets start a swedish sibling band together
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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