I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
