You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
