i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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