Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
