All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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