i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
