"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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