im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
