Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Say something about gay babies.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize