My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
