if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
