once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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