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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?

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