i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
